Sunday, May 22, 2011

A Moment

Dear Addie,

Mommy took a shower super late today.  I spent the morning with you.  We went for a walk with Gracie.  And she did really well.  She didn't ever pull the stroller and scare you.  You took a nap in the house while I blogged earlier and then we took a small 'hike' to Kohls b/c Mommy had a return.  You were a trooper.  Mommy's little trooper.

While I was in the shower you laid in your cradle and talked.  I got out, got dress and laid with you propped up on my legs on my bed.  We were talking.  You burped a chunky burp and threw up all over me.  I was clean...just out of the shower, but I didn't care.  I love your spit up.  I love everything about you.

I started crying.  And this is why:

I don't ever want you to think I left you.  I have to go to work so Daddy and I can provide a better life for you.  I hope you never think I am absentminded when I am physically present in your life.  I don't want to seem aloof or focused on something else when I am around you.  I am worried work will take more than just 8 hours a day away from us.  I love us.  I love our little family.  I am going to miss hanging out with you all day.  I want to be there for you, not only physically but mentally...emotionally.  I am human and I am bound to mess up, but I hope to build a wonderful relationship w/you.  I hope going to work right now does not hinder our bond.  I am scared, little one.

I am forever grateful that your Daddy took it upon himself to continue to work weekends.  I know that stinks for him and he misses out on a lot of family things.  It's hard for the both of us you see.  We are going to push through these less than perfect times in hopes of a brighter future for us all.  I am thankful that Daddy gets to spend lots of one-on-one time with you.  Your bond can grow.  I know I have a special little place in your heart.  We have a special bond...and I know this.  I just don't want it to ever fade or falter.

Tears from your Momma now...but even as I cry and tell you all these things, you give me your big, full-face smile.  And it makes everything better.

Addison, never forget Mommy loves you more than anything in the world.  I'd do anything for you.

1 comment:

  1. How sweet Heather. Addie will ALWAYS know how much you love her. You don't ever need to worry about your relationship with her. You are going to continue to be a wonderful mommy and she will know every day that her family is the best and she's your for a reason. Enjoy the time left before you go to work but know that even though you'll be working, your bond will never, ever falter!