Mommy took a shower super late today. I spent the morning with you. We went for a walk with Gracie. And she did really well. She didn't ever pull the stroller and scare you. You took a nap in the house while I blogged earlier and then we took a small 'hike' to Kohls b/c Mommy had a return. You were a trooper. Mommy's little trooper.
While I was in the shower you laid in your cradle and talked. I got out, got dress and laid with you propped up on my legs on my bed. We were talking. You burped a chunky burp and threw up all over me. I was clean...just out of the shower, but I didn't care. I love your spit up. I love everything about you.
I started crying. And this is why:
I don't ever want you to think I left you. I have to go to work so Daddy and I can provide a better life for you. I hope you never think I am absentminded when I am physically present in your life. I don't want to seem aloof or focused on something else when I am around you. I am worried work will take more than just 8 hours a day away from us. I love us. I love our little family. I am going to miss hanging out with you all day. I want to be there for you, not only physically but mentally...emotionally. I am human and I am bound to mess up, but I hope to build a wonderful relationship w/you. I hope going to work right now does not hinder our bond. I am scared, little one.
I am forever grateful that your Daddy took it upon himself to continue to work weekends. I know that stinks for him and he misses out on a lot of family things. It's hard for the both of us you see. We are going to push through these less than perfect times in hopes of a brighter future for us all. I am thankful that Daddy gets to spend lots of one-on-one time with you. Your bond can grow. I know I have a special little place in your heart. We have a special bond...and I know this. I just don't want it to ever fade or falter.
Tears from your Momma now...but even as I cry and tell you all these things, you give me your big, full-face smile. And it makes everything better.
Addison, never forget Mommy loves you more than anything in the world. I'd do anything for you.
How sweet Heather. Addie will ALWAYS know how much you love her. You don't ever need to worry about your relationship with her. You are going to continue to be a wonderful mommy and she will know every day that her family is the best and she's your for a reason. Enjoy the time left before you go to work but know that even though you'll be working, your bond will never, ever falter!
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