Saturday, July 2, 2011

First Week @ Work

Here we go Addie.  On a new journey together.  I know you most likely cannot tell a difference.  I know you know who I am and when I am around, but I also know you are happy in the care of other people.  You know your Daddy and I in particular, which is a feeling I cannot put into words.  I do not fear you are distraught or stressed when I am not present.

Monday, I woke up nerves.  This is really happening, I thought, I am going back to work.  I am leaving my 14 week old at home while I 'flee' for eight hours.  Ugh.  Sickening.  I cried.  I tried hard not to.  Just know that the money I am working hard for is solely for you, my Princess.  I will take a picture of my first paycheck solely for you.

As I got ready, all I could think about was that smiling face.  Tears fell freely.  It is OK for me to cry.  It's a scary thing- leaving your baby.  Even if it is with daddy.  He is the only other constant in your life, but he isn't me.  I think this time apart is good for the both of us.  You need this darling girl, to help build a strong girl...a social, loving, caring girl.  I did good all the way to Primrose.  Mommy is going to be a four-year-old classroom teacher.  Mommy will have her first classroom her first year of your life.  Tons of firsts this year, Addie.

Once I got to school, we dug right in.  On break, Melissa and Ellen, asked me about you.  They asked how I was doing and I cried.  I didn't mean to.  I wanted to be strong.  I wiped away tears and smiled.  It only got worse b/c other folks walked in the room and asked more questions.  I missed you already.  All your antics.  Even if you're in your swing, bouncy seat, or cradle I still know exactly what you're doing and what you look like.

I rushed home to see you as soon as I could.  It was a long day but I had a lot to learn.  Primrose will be a great place as long as there are great teachers.

After the first day I did fine until Wednesday. I hated the fact that I had to go into work again.  I was over not spending time with you.  I wanted to stay with you all day- not just a few hours.  I think this transition is going to be tough.  But sometimes we gotta do what we've gotta do.  I didn't want to go to work.  It was terribly hard.  I did it though, my love.

Before I knew it the week was over.  Papa came late Thursday night.

I love you teeny, tiny baby girl.  You are so petite with those baby blue eyes.  I love everything about you.  I pray I am able to stay at home come time when you need me the most.  My guess is you won't remember too much of these early months together <3  Giving you and your daddy all my love!

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