Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Missing My 'Previous Life'

By this I mean, I miss ARIZONA!  My girlfriends, their kids, their families, my crazy job as a nanny, Lauren, my old gym, daily routine, 'norm,' Mike's mom and dad being close, the weather...and lots of other small things.

This weekend the sadness hit again.  

Our best group of friends went to Long Beach, CA...where Mike and I have been with them twice.  We weren't there...I felt very sad.  The tears came.  It sucks...our friends were perfect.  They were my closest girlfriends...hell, they were pretty much my family.  My stability, fun, happiness...Mike was gone a lot and they were there.  They were there when we got engaged, they were there the day we said 'I do' and Nichole was my first phone call when we saw our positive pregnancy test.  And they were there for every single little step through the years.  There's not a day that goes by that I don't think of them and miss them.  I don't feel like our friendship will ever fade...I just miss the day-to-day life with them physically present!  I do miss out on a lot of things...seeing their precious babies grow...and other bonding activities, if you will.  But I hope they know how much they mean to me and if I could teleport, I'd be there weekly :)

{our first LB trip}
{just stumbled on this pic, love it}
{pretty sure this is the weekend before he proposed}
 {engagement night- Vegas}

I miss the weather.  Thank heavens the weather has finally been sunny more often than cloudy for the first time since I moved here in February.  I miss my sun-kissed skin, flip flop tan line, and rosy cheeks...I am SO's SICK.  The drive an hour and a half South on the 17 was BEAUTIFUL...I miss the scenery.  The dry desert look- dirt, rocks, mountains, cacti, and palm trees!  Aaaaaahhhhh...what I'd do to have a palm tree in my backyard <3

If Mike and I win the lottery or stumble across a huge chunk of cash...we will buy a vacation home in the Phoenix area.  No doubt.  I don't think our friends will leave, as they have family in the area and successful jobs.  So, we will be fine.  The market stinks now, so maybe we will get lucky!  Ha ha.

I miss my nanny family.  Lauren, Colleen, Caitlin, Troy and Hunter.  I can't really express in words how much I miss them, but it's a boat load.  They are getting so big...and changing SO much.  I need to see them.  I don't ever want them to forget me.  And Lauren was a friend.  The job was difficult and crazy at times, but I knew they'd be there for me for anything. And they were.  If I had a bad day, those four little smiles would flip it right around.  Don't get me wrong...there were days that I wanted to pull my hair out and scream.  Days that I was in a great mood that was quickly torn down by those four babies, but they were my stability for four years.  I miss having Lauren to talk to and befriend.  I cannot wait to see them this month.

I miss my gym.  And now that Lauren has built her makes me sick.  I want to be there.  I want to workout with people that know me.  I want to get strong again and break my old pr's.  I just don't have that home feeling here.  And I may never...that was my first CrossFit experience and while I complained a fair share, I miss it.  Terribly.  Lord, please get me out of this funk.  I need to get back into my gym is SO good for me, my family, and life.  I will get comfortable here and make friends.  I just have to give them a chance.

I miss Mike's mom and dad being close.  I know they were always there for us too.  We'd go down for awesome home cooked meals.  Pat helped me with so many things for the wedding.  We'd go shopping at Joann and have lunch together.  I miss their friendship too.  It was always a good time and felt just like home.  I know they'd love more than anything to have us close again too.  They miss Gracie and I know they'd love watching Addison grow.  Another reason why I want a vacation house in the Phoenix area.  

And then outside of AZ, I really miss my family.  I wish they were closer.  If it wasn't so humid, I'd by a house in Texas too.  (No, family, I did not forget about you!!)  They too miss Addison (and Mike and I  Having my dad and Jenny here was such a fun and enjoyable.  I'd love to be closer to my family now that I've started a family of my own.  There's nobody like them...and through it all family is by your side.  While my relationship with them is different than those I share with my friends, it's still something I could not live without.  My sisters have grown to be my other halves over the years (we fought like cats and dogs growing up!!).  I'd be lost without them :)  I know if my mom and dad could teleport, they'd be here weekly as well.  


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