Monday, November 15, 2010

The End and The Beginning

Life is so strange.  I have lots of time to reflect on pretty much everything since I spend most of my days talking to myself.  lol.  I mean, not always out loud, but Gracie and the nanny babies really aren't much of adult conversationalists.  Anyways, Saturday Ashley had her baby!  Meet Ms Harper Ann:

Her labor was nothing short of perfect (I now have a semi-expectation, but feel more aware of what's going to happen).  Harper was born around 5:23 pm, 7 lbs 15 oz, and 21.5 inches long.  Lots of black hair atop her little head.  I had hardcore anxiety upon our arrival at the hospital.   Not sure why, but the place just freaks me out.  Maybe it's the sickness that lingers...or the sadness I can't help but relate, even though I know happiness exists too (ie. births).  BUT I have this fear that there's going to be some crazy, bloody, panic stricken emergency when I turn any corner.  However, the anxiety this time was more anxiousness for my arrival in March and my friends loitering in the waiting room to see me and our new baby.  Hopefully, that doesn't sound self centered.  In roughly 17 weeks or 119 days, I will be my room for the first time since I was born.  Strange.  It hit home for me.  Mike is away and it's tough.  I'm really pregnant with our first child and I'm really going to go into labor.  Mike will be there...please.  Mike won't be away at the time of our child's arrival.  I kept repeating this to myself, over and over and over again.  

I was on cloud 9 holding her though.  Something so small, so perfect, so uninfluenced.  It's the beginning of her life.  One day she will be turning 27, 3 days before I turn 54 (sick!).  It's also the end of Ashley's pregnancy.  Although, I know when you are 9 months along, feeling miserable, and begging for the day to get the child out of you to come is true, it's hard to imagine this being over.  It has been an interesting year for us.  Pregnancy was tough in the beginning...and dare I say, boring?  Nobody could tell I was pregnant and I couldn't tell anyone for what felt like forever.  I couldn't enjoy a glass of wine after work or a beer with Mike watching football.  I was exhausted and moody and just plain blah!  The 2nd trimester has been much better.  I'm showing, I have my energy back more than I did before, I eat great food all the time, and 3-5 times a week I get a nap.  But now I'm lonely.  Mike is gone and missing part of our journey...although I hope I make him feel like he's right along my side with constant updates and reports!!  Gaining weight is hard, even though it's for a great reason.  And I sometimes just don't feel like myself.  It'd be nice to have my other half with me...but I know I can't, so I've come to accept that.  Ugh.  I feel as if it's not one thing, it's another.  

Doug, our roommate, groomsman, and friend, is moving out unexpectedly Friday.  This is a bummer b/c he is, what we joke about, my "stand in husband."  He's always there for me/us and keeps me company while Mike's gone.  It's nice having him around throughout the night.  I sleep MUCH better knowing someone else is in the house.  Now that will all change.  Boo.  I will learn to sleep well completely solo.  Boo times two.  Although, that's probably a good thing at 27 (almost).  So, now, more than ever before, I want to move to Chicago before baby B is born.  Plus, that'd relieve some of my stress about Mike not making it to the birth.  Oi.  Lots going on...still.

It's the end of Ashley's pregnancy and my 26th year of life.  It's the beginning of Harper's first year of life and my 27th.  How strange life really is <3

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