Friday, August 13, 2010

9 weeks and 3 days

Still feeling good. Hoping and praying that this baby sticks around. We are almost in the clear! In just 2 weeks we can go way public...I mean like screaming from the rooftop that we are expecting our first. That's also when I will post all these 'belated' blog entries I've been hiding : )

However, I just read that once you hear and see the heartbeat there's a 5% chance of miscarriage. Seems like we're in favor...even though SO much can go wrong.

Question: Do these prego hormones change your 'positiveness'? I feel like I'm way more 'chill' and 'blah' than usual. I guess it's because there is SO much unknown in our lives right now. And it's stressful. Really stressful. Especially for my personality type. I like to be in the know, in control even. I also seem kind of 'to do' list daily doesn't have too much on it. Workout, eat proper meals, nap, shower, and work. Maybe I am slightly 'depressed' b/c the wedding planning is over...the wedding itself is over...and we've moved on from that to the next step in our life. An expected step, a planned step, an exciting step...I've just transitioned from newlywed to mom-to-be : )

I guess it doesn't help that I don't really feel pregnant. I mean, I eat more, I'm exhausted, and I no longer get to enjoy a glass of wine or Captain and Diet. I have a pooch...that normally isn't there, but it doesn't look like a 'baby bump' and therefore, just stresses me out. I don't want to gain too much with this pregnancy, I don't want to be stuck with a load of weight to try and work off post baby's arrival. And that's probably more stressful than I really lingers around my head fairly frequently. I know I am going to gain weight, I know I will have a baby pooch and my 6 pack with disappear, but I also know it can come back. I've seen it before. No I won't be the same, but that's OK. I've accepted that. It's just the process of feeling the urge to eat everything terrible for me, that I haven't eaten for years, right now. I'm pretty sure my body is in shock!

So I don't know what to do...I'm bored. I'm lonely. Mike's at work most of the time and he doesn't really understand this process (a friend of mine told me yesterday, "Please don't tell me you expected him to understand?!?!" but I did). I don't have friends here...and I wish my family was closer. Kind of has me down. Work has been stressful b/c the twins seems to be irritable, fussy, cranky, and fighting the majority of my time there. Little Miss Caitlin challenges everything I say and do. And Colleen is just bored and needing attention- school in her near future will hopefully help!

A happier post to come for sure. Next appointment is August 24th!

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